FIRSTLY - ITS NOT PERSONAL...
If someone is to judge you, it‘s not personal to you.
What do I mean by that...
When they judge you, they are outwardly projecting their perception of you which is measured by their conditioning, likes/dislikes, preferences etc. Guess what, it’s an image in their head about you...not you.
THEIR PERCEPTION
So in saying that, an expression of judgment towards you is an external reaction of someones internal perceptions, thoughts and emotional state, being projected onto you.
You are seeing MIND being revealed to you in that moment.
2. TO MAKE YOU FEEL HOW THEY FEEL
Ever noticed when you judge someone or something you fall into the ‘psychological victim state’?
Something didn’t show up the way you wanted and now you don’t feel okay inside so judgement arises.
AND when someone is judging you, it’s the same for them.
The punishment cycle of the victim and perpetrator dance plays out with 'judgement as the weapon.'
When someone is suffering judgmental thoughts, they feel it as a stress response in the body - aka uncomfortable emotions & feelings.
If you are the external trigger for someones judgement to arise, they will consciously or unconsciously try and make you feel as uncomfortable as they feel (as payback), through firing bullets of judgement at you, therefore turning into the perpetrator.
3. THE SELF JUDGEMENT YOU MAY ACTIVATE IN THE OTHER
You don't have to go out of your way for people to judge you. If you haven't noticed already, not matter what you do, you can not control peoples love and approval or judgement and disapproval. They will make up their own minds about you!
So simply by being yourself, you are going to trigger people.
It’s easy to forget the non-personal nature of judgement and in the heat of the moment forget that...
You may activate their self judgements due to comparison. Eg. Wishing they had certain qualities that they can see in you, that they feel they lack or want.
You may activate memories of the past for people that brings up uncomfortable feelings and past hurt.
You may activate future projections that are unfavourable which reflect how what they have now or who they are is not enough.
4. THE FALSE PROMISE OF THE EGO MIND
"That if you judge, it will make you feel better..."
When someone’s sense of self feels threatened, the ego mind creates an unconscious habit to punish the other with judgement to try and make the uncomfortable feelings go away.
The false promise is hidden in the comparison to make the other wrong, worse than or lacking (essentially inferior) This gives a false sense of superiority by undermining to self promote and make themselves feel better (momentarily)
This is short-lived and ultimately unstable.
Remember, when you judge others how shit it feels on the inside! They are suffering their judgmental thoughts about you too. Suffering their thoughts about you, is not your job. ~ This is an invitation to step out of their ‘psychological business’
(which is a skill to develop)
5. TO DISSOLVE THE SEPARATION JUDGEMENT CREATES
When we judge we are being invited to transcend the cycle of self judgement, judgement towards other and caring about what other people think.
What remains? Acceptance, love and freedom.
When we learn the skills and habits to overcome triggers, psychological fear and judgement, we are so much more comfortable and free to be ourselves and stay open in the face of challenge and hardship.
This is true internal freedom!
I want to share with you an awareness practice that I share with my clients to shine light on the ‘personal self’ that is a construct of judgement.
The first step is: Awareness & Understanding.
Would love to hear what you resonated with today in reading this.
In love and service,
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