Working with clients for over 6 years, I have noticed a heavy influx in the last 12 months of people reaching out to me regarding support with their intimate relationships and how to navigate more conscious, respectful, unconditional, expectation-less relating.
That word EXPECTATION, right there, is a foundational cause of relationship breakdowns, triggers, disrespectful behaviour and child-like game play that creates roles and cyclic patterns that feel-off, down-right unnatural and simply put, the opposite of love.
Expectations, like one of many ego tactics, are kryptonite to relationships.
Unconscious behaviours, fighting, disrespect and poor communication are a result of not having the skills in self inquiry & support to go beyond these conditions, assumptions, judgement, blame and projections.
What does this lead to if we don’t take personal responsibility to transcend this?…. a never ending sizzler “all you can eat” smorgasbord of guilt, resentment, fear and unhappiness.
No thanks!
It gives me goosebumps that so many humans are coming out of the woodwork, reaching out to work with me around this relationship thread. They are ready to radically unwind out of their conditioning and come home to what FEELS true, aligned, unconditioned and deeply loving.
These courageous humans:
• Are eager to understand relationship dynamics and why certain Ego patterns and behaviours play out.
• Want to take personal responsibility for their triggers and stop blaming their partner for conflict, problems and their unhappiness (resulting in drama-free relating.)
• Are sick of reacting unconsciously to old wounds, insecurities and fears that keep perpetuating negative outcomes, more distance and toxic polarity.
• Are eager to inquire and uproot relationship assumptions while transcending expectational relating, once and for all.
• Are wanting to mature beyond needy, controlling, codependent relationship dynamics.
• Want a shared language to be able to unpack and dis-identify from triggers, ego patterns and toxic behaviour through practical, experiential skills and processes that naturally give rise to acceptance and love.
• Want greater connection, intimacy and internal stability that transfers over to every aspect of their intimate relationships.
• Want radical honesty to be the bedrock of their relating where trust and safety can truly thrive.
• Want better communication skills and practical tools to identify when the ego has arisen.
• Want to experience more joy, genuine celebration, spontaneity and freedom.
• Want to create an environment where their best selves come out in each other's company, naturally.
• Want….. LOVE.
Understanding the EGO is a critical skill for coming out of relationship drama and being able to work through triggers, consciously.
This is foundational to see the ways in which you and others can fall back into habits and patterns of:
• Fear
• Defensiveness
• Justification
• Assumptions
• Judgement
• Blame
• Arrogance and needing to be ''right''
• Being in someone else's business
• Taking things personally
• Comparison, lack and 'not-enough-ness'
• Toxic polarity
• Past conditioning
• Entitlement
• Ownership
• Dependency
These behaviours can easily be transformed through sincerely questioning our thoughts, beliefs & conditioning using robust self enquiry processes that allow you to come back to what I like to call “sober seeing” so you can express and share the love that you are with an open heart (that the mind so easily, and habitually, gets in the way of.)
A lot of the time the ᴇɢᴏ will throw up thoughts like:
• I’ll just give it time and then HOPEFULLY things will change. (disempowering/ sitting on the fence/ lacking taking responsibility)
• It’s THEIR ꜰᴀᴜʟᴛ, they have to get on board and want to change and do the work. They are 'MAKING ME FEEL' so upset - what am I not worth fighting for! (blame/ victim)
• IF only they would ___________ THEN_______________ would happen and we would be fine. (future projection/ assumption)
• They NEED to _____________ (judgement/ expectation/ dependant)
• They SHOULD/ SHOULDN'T __________ which MEANS __________ (judgement/ expectation)
• They love me if they ____________________________________ (conditioned belief/ judgement)
These thoughts are a prison and the ROOT CAUSE OF SUFFERING…. if & when you identify with them and BELIEVE THEM TO BE TRUE.
They cause great suffering, relationship breakdown, activate uncomfortable emotional states and become a toxic habit of false identification.
And I have dedicated my life to helping people come out of this suffering ( you and me both baby )
What I have come to know personally, and with hundreds of clients, is that if we don’t know how to:
1. Identify and understand the Ego (illusion/false identification) to activate heightened awareness and
2. Enquire into the beliefs to reveal the false nature of thought identification,
we will keep playing out the same patterns and behaviour that in our heart we want to stop.
It's simple mathematics.
I feel such a ripe, gravitational pull towards this work with people heeding their heart’s call to the essence of what I am sharing.
People are stepping up to dissolve fear, to come into love.
I would invite you to have a sit with what you have read today, and see what these statements have bought up in you as you reflect on your own experience (past or current)?
I dare you to be radically honest with yourself and truly listen to what arises. Stay gentle, curious and open, dear ones.
If you want to know more, are curious for more juicy content or are interested in how to work with me in 1:1 or couple sessions….
(or share this with someone you know would love to hear this right now)
In love and service,
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