Undefended Listening is an expression of…
~ Simply witnessing and observing “what is”.
~ Dropping all defences and respecting yourself and the other by showing up, open and empty.
~ The willingness to drop expectations and assumptions to allow the fullness of expression of what’s directly in front of you, as reality.
~ A universal mirror of love and respect.
~ Coming to the other without fear getting in the way of love.
~ Choosing presence of past and future.
~ Not letting the mind interrupt by projecting judgement onto reality or adding meaning, assumptions or imagined ‘’knowns” on the situation or person.
~ Staying open to the spontaneous unfolding of life that blossoms before us that is totally beyond our control.
~ Getting out of the others ‘business’ and not controlling, dictating, directing or judging.
~ The letting go of child-like behaviour and toxic patterns that result in blame, polarization, control and resentment.
~ The resting place where the mind is at home in the heart.
~ Spaciousness and the embodiment of acceptance.
~ Simultaneously giving and receiving.
~ The ultimate receivership of getting out of your own way and letting things be as they are.
~ Letting go of what you want life to be and resting in the natural flow and unfolding of reality.
~ LOVE. UNDEFENDED LOVE.
Undefended listening is a skill. A practice. A way of being.
It is absolutely essential for creating respectful and loving foundations in ALL relating- Intimate romantic, family, friends and with life itself.
In my own journey I have come to recognise two major pillars that are critical for living in love and what I call the Yin and Yang Foundations of Relating : Undefended Listening and Radical Honesty
(I will be speaking very directly to the importance of radical honesty in a later post)
But going back to the listening thread, simply put, one of the major roadblocks that gets in the way of being present and truly listening is.....
FEAR
Fear in the form of thoughts believed to be true.
Fear unconsciously closes our ears and essentially allows another conversation in!
THE VOICE IN OUR HEAD…. which is the dream that taints, distorts and sometimes completely overrides the "REAL CONVERSATION" in the present moment.
In that moment, we are choosing the conversation of a dream in our minds over meeting reality. That is where the listening stops.
This art of Undefended Listening is a very simple and profound skill that simply starts with understanding and identifying what gets in the way of listening.
Because LISTENING IS ALREADY HAPPENING, without ‘you’ trying
All we have to do is learn the skills to transcend the fear that creates pain, conflict, disrespectful behaviour and poor communication in our relationships.
Here is an awareness practice for you to enquire and reflect on how you are listening in your relationships. No right or wrong, this is simply an invitation that creates awareness. Once we are aware of how we show up, we can make conscious change to that which feels more light, respectful, joy-filled and loving.
Here are the major reasons why in relationships, you and your loved ones unconsciously close your ears out of fear. This is due to:
Taking what the other is saying personally.
Thinking about what the other is thinking about ie. Being in their 'business'.
Past fears of what you never want to experience again.
Fearful future projections and images around what could possibly happen which usually involves your perceived happiness and fulfilment being threatened, not getting what you want and some form of loss.
Creating Assumptions rather than asking questions to gain clarity and understanding
Projecting Expectations on the other to meet your needs to get what you want.
Getting defensive to prove your value, perceived ‘rightness’ or position.
Taking offence. This retaliation is a protection mechanism from personally identifying with what is being shared.
Feeling like you are getting blamed or it's your fault and therefore reacting out of judgement, shame and guilt.
The meaning you are projecting on what they are saying which usually involves a change to your life situation or relationship that could potentially unfavourable, negatively impacting or not what you want.
Thinking that you 'need' the other to change or show up in a different way that is more desirable for you and your life situation.
Fearing what the other is saying is fixed, non-negotiable and set in stone.
Holding onto the psychological story and personal identification over allowing truth to penetrate the illusion you are carrying.
Do not fret my friends, these fears can easily be overcome to bring you into deeper love, intimacy, maturity and respectful communication by acknowledging a few simple things:
Your willingness
Your desire for freedom this lifetime
Your commitment to truth over fear
Your desire to truly love beyond conditions
Your ripeness to learn the practical skills and processes to experientially embody this work and watch it literally transform your life and relationships
Would love to hear if you resonated with what you have read today and how this has shown up/ is showing up for you.
If you want to know more, are curious for more juicy content or are interested in how to work with me in 1:1 or couple sessions….
(or share this with someone you know would love to hear this right now)
In love and service,
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